I wish I was in pangs of separation for Krishna, but unfortunately I am just not that elevated; however I am very much in feelings of separation of some wonderful devotees.

This time last year I was having a fantastic time, surrounded by friends, aromas of good food and transandental sound vibrations of the holy names.

Perfect.

Unfortunately very short lived as again I lost the association of the small group of devotees who have played the largest part in my progress in Krishna Consciousness to-date.

Each day I wonder how they are all doing, is their anyone new turning up, how is each one doing I their progress in KC and what’s going on in the Kitchen. Ok I travelled over a day just to spend time in a kitchen much to the amusement of my work colleges but what am I really missing?

Why are so many people whose first contact with Krishna Consciousness is through very humble devotees leaving and joining other groups; most notable were I live HH Narayana Maharaja?

I think it is because we have made should be very personal into something that is impersonal; smothered in rigid rules and regulations inflexible unable to accommodate personal circumstances outside of those set by His diving Grace Srila Prabhupada.  Whilst also being too self absorbed in self our own thoughts and struggles to really spend time looking at or care for that of others.

You see that’s what I noticed and have personally experienced is the personal touch found the aim is simply to help each other, if one is suffering then as a group efforts are made to relive it. I remember the wonderful texts in my early days and the impact they had, such loving thought that went into them.

What brings this home more fully is that the wonderful devotees, who had been so influential in inspiring me to take up this process, could in a very public place express themselves openly without retribution showing the full emotion of their feeling. An understanding of their mood and great assistance given was for me inspirational with these individuals I could make it back home, simply because they would drag me their screaming and kicking.

Unfortunately though we see a very impersonal mood, your problem is not my problem, suffer in silence, stiff upper lip old chap, don’t complain and above all don’t say how you’re feeling. I have my own problems so you’re problems are your own.

You see that many books are distributed and yes this is of great gain to the recipient on two accounts by appreciating the picture of Krishna they start on the road back home and also are able to take the human form again in their next life, this is Krishna’s amazing mercy.

But we leave it their, I’ve done my job little realising this is only the start we need to have a very personal approach attracting those to pursue devotional life in this lifetime.

But because of an impersonal approach without this goal (just to get a good book score) we loose the individual; and what I have noticed is that many of these are sincerely looking and find themselves taking shelter from HH Narayana Maharaja, when you analyze why it is this very personal touch by himself and his disciples (could we learn a lesson, and are we willing to learn it?)

Each individual needs to feel appreciated, wanted, supported and helped.

Not encumbered by rules and regulations fixed, rigid, and inflexible that can in some cases hinder progress.

I myself have two desires but realise that as the structure stands neither will be realised this is my misfortune; I am sure there is many lessons for me to learn from this predicament but here they are for what they are:

To show externally what is already taken place internally the relationship formed between my guru maharaja and me. And as I cant even make first initiation them my second desire will also never be realised to one day be able to do some pujari service (ok in some way I do this every day at home and I should learn to appreciate this may be this is a lesson for me to learn).

But the rules and regulations do not allow this, I am in a well-recognised ISKCON limbo, stuck like many others some whom I’ve talked to for over 10 years could I remain focused like them?

Many though have become so disheartened that they have taken shelter outside of ISKCON because of this impersonal approach many in the area I live taking shelter from HH Narayana Maharaja singing his glories and the personal approach he has.

Try as I may to remain focused I long for the personal touch, I miss my friends as I realise their only interest will ever by how to help me return home. And I am sure of one thing they would make sure my desires were fulfilled and take great delight in picking me up each time I fall down.

This for me is the essence of Krishna Consciousness to be personal rather than impersonal, but for now each day my heart is heavy in separation for my friends the humble servant of the servant the devotees of Krishna.