I have been wondering how to write this posting as I do not wish to offend or appear to mock in any way but to express my feeling that I am being forced to reduce my Krishna Consciousness into a tick box, exam taking exercise and abandon all that devotional life means to me to satisfy the establishment.
It has been also difficult for me to understand not only were the senior devotees are coming from nor to fully understand the rational, this is my fault and in many ways holds me back in making any true progress, but I feel devotional life is being taken from something inspirational and personal to something impersonal. Forced rather than being moved and reduced to unfeeling answers rather than answers with feeling and understand.
Yes I understand the desire to make sure there is a standard, Srila Prabhupada set the standard and spoke about it, the sad thing is to see individuals crying simply because they cannot read from Srila Prabhupada’s own words why they have to tick the boxes and take an exam whilst like me failing to see the true benefit.
You see somehow if I can pass an exam it is seen that some how I will be stronger and have basic understanding of the fundamentals of Krishna Consciousness; this for me is a nonsense it just means I can remember answers, it does not reflect or show that I have truly understand. We see here in the UK that the teachers are talking about boycotting the SAT’s a member of the NUT executive said testing narrowed the curriculum and did not raise standards, but damaged children’s learning. We see also in industry that many are downgrading or even dismissing degree’s simply because they were too narrow and although the individuals could explain they did not have a proper grasp or understanding of the subject. No evidence exists either way. I do know of one devotee who refused to take the exam when it was first introduced, simply stating to the management council that you know me you know my knowledge by talking to me why should I take an exam? He was initiated without ever taking the exam and after many years he is still around. On the flip side I have talked to devotees who have been initiated after taking the exam and noted that out of the group initiated at this time they are the only ones still in ISKCON, after all Srila Prabhupada understood that some will come to Krishna Consciousness for a time and then leave for one reason or another and constantly reminded us that a little progress in Krishna Consciousness was of benefit.

Sadhana- Am I doing it because theirs a tick box that has to be ticked? What is the true motive is it done because of being inspired and desire to do Sadhana or because it is demanded as a requirement. Here fill out this form and if we like it then your in? OK I sort of see this one but again how do you quantify? Who decides? It proves again not much really accept that you can fill out a form and meet a quota, it does not show in what spirit it is done nor the true motive for me personally it is reducing devotional activities into a paper exercise.
Why do I travel the 348 miles (560 kilometers round journey) to The Manor? Is it to tick a box? Yep I’ve done the hours demanded! NO! I want to be their, and if things were better I would be their more often.
Why do I do Arati in the mornings? Is it to tick the box? Wow! I’ve done the required minimum GO ME! NO! I want to.
Why do I go to all the trouble to arrange a small sanga program at my home? Ow I forgot I have to the tick box says so! NO! I WANT TO!
Why do I when I can contribute financially? I’m told to the tick box says so! NO! I WANT TO!
Is their a pattern developing here?
Why do I follow the four regulative principles? I am convinced beyond a shadow of doubt that this is the only way, I love my Guru Maharaja and this is his humble request.
Why do I share Krishna Consciousness when the opportunities arrive? I am simply totally convinced, it is of benefit not only to me but the whole world.

Hum am I on my way to sainthood? NO! The list of faults I have grows by the day and so who’s going to help me? Well depending on what it is really I do not have one person I go to for advice and guidance but to those I feel best placed to give me the answer even if at times what they say is hard to swallow. Yes my main service is with one person but even the management gets confused as to who this is I do work from home for other senior devotees, which appears to be a problem I have to identify and put down one name, Hum! I suppose it would be the devotee I work with the most, although I don’t share my most personal thoughts and feelings and seek guidance from. Well may be I should put down the person I share my most personal thoughts and feelings to and seek guidance from, Hum! Well that would be fine they come to my sanga program but then I don’t do any service for them. May be one of the senior devotees who I am doing work with will do, Hum! I’ve run into a small problem one of them’ a mataji although the best qualified to help me when devotional life hit rock bottom her words inspired and motivated me. Well may be one of my Guru Maharaja’s disciples that sounds good, Hum no! a small problem their those who I have shared the most personal things with and have again given me advice when I hit rock bottom and even thought of leaving devotional life and that have done some service are now all in New Zealand.
Hay that’s my answer move to New Zealand, but then that will upset the UK management and I will miss the Manor.
So who’s name should I put down, I know my friend HH Mahavishnu Swami he has helped me with my Sadhana, I’ve rendered some service to him revealed my mind done street preaching with him, we also put forward a proposal to the GBC and he is a friend to my own Guru Maharaja and helped me to fulfill the request he made to me; may be not he remains a dear friend and ever well-wisher an inspiration and a guide.
Am I making all this too complicated?
Am I being distracted?
Am I missing the point?
All I want is to try to progress as a devotee, to be inspired, to share, without the distractions of exam’s and criteria I have to meet and tick, forms to fill out and such nonsense.
I want to end on this thought my manager once asked why I got so much joy getting up so early (2am) to travel to The Manor do a full days service and travel back arriving home after 9pm to be ready for work the following day and why do I struggle to provide a meal for my friends staying up so late to make sure there is enough to eat so as not to distract or take time away from my clients? I answered simply because I want to. They protect every other Monday for me so that I can do what brings me the greatest joy in life, I just don’t want to loose this feeling and joy just because it becomes a paper exercise a box to tick nothing more than a job.